A = Autistic
In case it seems that the title sounds grammatically wrong.
There is this dear friend whom I love fondly. Her children are also delightful. We literally see each other’s children grow up from tots to school going children (hers entering formal school next year). For her younger child, I’ve seen her since she was in her womb and now she is seeing my lil’ in mine. How wonderful when friendships formed can last, especially when the common ground where we met is suppose to be virtual and volatile. She is one of my very few e-friends who have become real-life friends, who lasts.
Zane is a very special child. He does show affection, much to the contrary belief that A children are not capable of showing affection as they live in their own self-isolated world.
The first time I saw him hugging another adult was when his first therapist came to his school for his therapy session. That is his way of showing her that he loves her and welcomes her into his world. The second time was for another therapist, who at that time didn’t teach him yet. Zane would sought him out from the crowd of teachers, which wasn’t difficult and ran to him to give him his bear hugs and warm smiles.
Yesterday, I saw him hugging another adult other than his mum and dad again. It was this dear friend of mine.
When Zane was very young, every new place we went to, he would freak out. I usually couldn’t stay long in any place. I remembered that disastrous birthday party we tried to attend, the housewarming party where we could only managed 30 minutes. We declined future house invites. Yet, the moment we stepped into this dear friend’s place, Zane was so at ease. He was at peace. He felt welcomed. He felt safe. He was very busy exploring everything around the house. The second, third and subsequent times we went, he was also perfectly fine. He even liked the helper.
He gave my friend hugs which warmed her heart. At one point, he was jealous that my friend had to cuddle her girl as she was frightened by the loud thunder. He was a bit upset. I think he had fallen in love with this lady. He knows that she is the lady of the house and when he needs something, he won’t hesitate to bring her to the places he knows she can help. He also accepts when my friend tells him what he is looking for is no longer there. And, he sat next to her for a long long time. Zane hardly sits more than ten seconds next to his own grandparents.
As expected, when it was time to leave, he protested a bit. After he reached home, he had a very good nap and woke up happy. Going to this lady’s place must be therapeutic for Zane, just like when he goes to Garage. In A terms, we call that “well-regulated”.
Thank you, my dear, you made my day too.
As Josh puts it, if Zane can speak, he would have melted my friend’s heart with his loving and affectionate words. I do think even as he is non verbal, he already has a place in my friend’s heart. If he really can talk, he will sure charm many ladies, and I mean many. He is very good looking and macho to begin with. His school’s lady teachers love seeing him and one couldn’t resist touching his muscles when he was changing his shirt. Haha …. ok, that’s admiration, not molest, hahaha …..
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This is what she wrote for Zane, I’ve sought for permission to steal it from her site and print it here. Keeping this as a memento for dear Zane.
This hug I received from this dear boy today is one of the most precious hug in my entire life.
He is not one who hugs anyone, but probably only a few. Not that he doesn’t want to, but because to him, this world – its sound, sight, and worse, the disapproving stares from people, make it intimidating for him to want to do so. He wants to love and embrace this world, if only more from this world will take a little peek into his mind to try to embrace him.
I seldom see him, but this last few times, everytime when we meet, the little gestures that he gives me really make me feel so glad. I told his mum that whenever we meet, he always make my day. And today, he makes me feel accepted into his world.
“Little MR Z, thank you for giving aunty the hug, thank you for trusting me, thank you for allowing me into your heart, and thank you for the love you are showing me.”
(Mummy to MR Z, pls help me convey my message to him.)
