When A met Z

April 2009

A very precious chapter in Zane’s life began. He started school formally, not in a mainstream school but in a special school, an autism centered special school. We waited for months for a place in this school. We are very thankful when Zane was accepted.

What amazed me further was his very first teacher at the school. She is a veteran in this special field. She had helped many children and people with various special needs. The first meeting with her was a huge assurance that zane would be in great hands and he was.

At 6yo, Zane was very challenging. His sensory issues were tricky. I was very thankful that A is very experienced and skillful. Zane floored numerous times in school anywhere and anytime. Anything could upset him big time then and his meltdowns were horrendous. If A allowed me to intervene, I would just beat the daylights out of him and force him to comply. She took charge, all the time. She gestured me to stay where I was. She handled Zane professionally and even tried to establish the links to his meltdowns.

There was a period Zane refused to get out of the car once he reached school. He was too strong for grandpa to drag to the school gate as he was a very strong boy by then. Teacher A walked the extra miles, literally, she came out to the carpark, went to Zane who could be lying on the carpark floor (and school buses would be streaming in by then), and calmly directed Zane up. He walked with her willingly into the school. What she did for Zane touches me deeply even till today. She considered the boy’s and his grandpa’s safety. She did this beyond her call of duty. It is our responsibility as caregivers to bring our charges right into the school compound.

Teacher A not only taught my son well, she also imparted her skills selflessly to her trainee teacher. She taught Teacher M very well too. in this line, the best mentoring tool is one to one modeling . Seeing what is and can be done is the most effective . Seeing is powerful. A did that superbly and M caught on really fast.

I am forever thankful that zane’s first teachers are of such high quality and they teach with such great passion, drive and love .

Thank You, Lord, that You planned for A to meet Z. He is very blessed and through this, I know You care and love zane deeply. Thank You !

A different journey

I will be embarking on a different journey. A journey which is least travelled. I sought for fellow travellers. Found a few but our paths differ. I thought I can have a travelling partner but it is just wishful thinking on my end. So, this journey is one which I will walk on alone. Maybe, along the way, I will pause a while and see if fellow travellors need a leg up or a pat on their shoulders. I will walk on bravely because he is my child.

“When you see a child with autism, you see one child with autism.”

Autism is so diverse that you can never find two children with the same profile.

I know my son best, together with my spouse. We, his parents, will do what we have to do. Our calling, our mission, our responsiblility, whatever one calls it.

The journey begins ………

I commit all of us into Your Hands, dear Almighty. All 5 of us. Amen. Shalom Shalom.

untangled tangle

I have been thinking over an issue for weeks. Brewing is more apt a verb to describe the thinking journey.

I thought very hard, so hard that I got my thoughts very tangled up, my emotions massively mixed up and my unseen fears mounting on the sly.

I did what I had to do. I sought help from my mom few weeks back to watch the children. She came, all the way from Tampines and back to be in time for her work.

I discussed the issue with my beloved. We said “pray on”.

Prayed and prayed. Waited and waited.

The inner turmoil did not cease immediately. The logical mind spoke loudly. The half-heartedness continued to sway back and forth.

Undecided. Even till this morning at 6am, I was still undecided.

I asked a dear friend my question. It was late but she took time to share with me her experiences and thoughts.

Interestingly, her email came in 7 hours late from the time she sent it (hardly happens, right?).

I couldn’t sleep while waiting for her email to come in. I tossed and turned the whole night. I thought and thought and thought. I prayed and I cried. I pleaded and I petitioned.

Then, I waited . What was I waiting for? An answer, I guess. A decision, I’m sure. But neither of these came.

In the still, quiet night, I heard “EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT.”

I drifted off to sleep for 1.5 hr…..

After I did the marketing, the lost in cyber space email I was waiting for came in. A load of peace was attached to the simple email. Shalom peace.

God moved the hearts of (wo)men, I got what I needed when I made a personal trip. He knows ahead. He knows that today is my last Jeff-free day to get this done. I am very thankful.

Beloved called and confirmed our decision too. Now, the next step. A big step and a bold one.

“God, please guard my heart and protect her heart. Thank You.”

burdened

a burden is weighing.

it gets heavier by the day.

a decision has to be made.

the indecisiveness is understandable.

many pros and cons to weigh.

is there another way to go around it?

please show us, Lord.

and, is it really so?

i somehow refute that.

however …….

and ……

please help my heart not to faint.

please encourage me on.

hold my hand and let me know,

You are indeed with me and with us.

You will grant wisdom and the route to take.

You will pave the way.

You are in control.

You know ahead of everything.

You are Alpha.

You are Omega.

In You , I trust.

Into Your Hands, I entrust.

You know my thoughts and my heart.

Help me.

Amen.

Thank You.

a mother’s love

The skies opened and poured tears like that of a loving mother over her child. A mother’s love is strong and at the same time tender towards her child. Even when it hurts her, she cries within. She is comforted Someone heard and knows her heart’s cry and cried with her.

Prior to the heavy downpour, I cried in my bathroom for a good 1-2 minutes. I gathered my composure back and walked Missy to school with deliberate cheer. As I watched her backview as she strolled into the school compound, tears rolled again. The same heavy prayers went up to Him. “You can help her. You are her Shepherd. You are our Shepherd.”

I am especially touched when Zoe told me she knows the verse “God’s grace is sufficient for me”. She told me that she loves this other verse better. “Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life” because I am a child of God.

So shall this be in you and for you my dear.

We will keep praying. Good will follow you. Good people will come into your life. Good peers, even if it means just one or two, will come into your life.

I can’t pray that you are like mommy and daddy who are the “lowly wanted and lowly wanting” type. We are perfectly fine to be left on our own. We can tell that you want to have some good friends. Friends to talk with and play with. Friends to do things together with.

Friendship is a deliberate decision between two persons, you have by now know that it has to be reciprocal.

I know by now, you have gathered enough experiences that people are fickle. This irritating “I friend you. I don’t friend you” childish game is definitely not your cup of tea. You dislike these peers’ fickleness and for treating you like a spare tyre and by now you can read their intent. You have a choice and you can excercise that, which I am happy for you. Yes, you don’t have to be made used of or patronize insincere people. You can protect yourself from being hurt and in this aspect, I am glad to see that you are learning.

You will always have mommy and daddy with you. Not only as your parents, but also as your friends. Thank you for sharing with me your thoughts and emotions, mommy appreciates this very much.