40 years

I have lived 40 years on this earth by the Grace of God.

I had the privilege to live through a childhood and a young adulthood. The length of days we have on earth should not be thought as a given and taken for granted.

The very breath we take every second is God given. He gives life. He also decides when our days on earth are up. No one knows if he has another day, year or decade. We can only be prudent and plan as though we have the usual life expectancy.

That said, I had lived 40 years. Maybe, I will have another 40 years? I do not know.

My first 18 years were used as a student. 8 years were spent as a preschool educator and tutor. 14 years as a full time mother and part time teacher.

I know that should I only have one child, my life will be different. Should I not have a special needs second child, my life will also be different.

After I had given birth to Zoe, I thought that it would be ideal that I raise her personally till she enters preschool. Zane came along within 2 years and so I thought I would extend two more years for Zane’s sake. I thought 4-5 years as a full-time mom is already way too long to be away from the Preschool industry. I was doing very well at PPH back then and was the next in line to take over my Principal when she retired. I had plans to do my Early Childhood Diploma (a prerequisite), Degree and Masters. I wanted to be a professional in this field. I wanted to be a Principal and subsequently lectures and trains preschool educators. I thought I could get back on track after I have “settled” my young children.

My world changed and turned upside down. With my decade of training in preschool education, I cannot defeat autism. I cannot overcome the challenges which surfaced. I cannot cure my son despite all the therapies, early intervention programs and my full-time attention for him. I was defeated. I felt useless that I could not make my very own son normal when I could train classes afer classes of K2s in academic and character excellence.

I doubted my capabilities as a person. Yet, at the same time, I could not relinquish my mother’s role to a live in foreigner and get back to the working world. I cannot bring myself to do it. I was stuck. I chose to walk on for the elder child’s sake.

We walked and walked. Years passed. She has completed her primary education. I feel that my job is done. I am now 40. I am looking at my life again. We are still not taking in a domestic helper.

I am going back to school in 2014 ! I am accepted by UniSim to do my Degree. I have chosen not to do Early Childhood. Why? Many reasons behind this decision actually.

14 years as a stay home mom is enough.

I want my life back. I want to live again.

Thank You, God. Thank you, hubby for your support and encouragement. I will be brave and go through the next 4 years as a student with confidence.

This Christmas I will be shopping for my own schooling stuffs! yes !

 

 

Christmas’ Wish came true

What I wanted for Christmas this year is not my two front teeth as I already have them.

What I wanted for Christmas this year is a movie date with Josh.

The movie I had in mind was “Les Miserables”, which would begin its screening on Christmas Day itself.

First ………. someone to watch the 3 children as the movie is about 3 hours long.

Second …….. securing tickets as it is a big red day.

Third ………. transport availability. Town will be very crowded on Christmas Day.

All these three conditions were met by some human and godly intervention and yes, a date was set!! YES!!

I was extra happy on Christmas morning. After mom came to our place and we stepped out of the flat, I breathed in a sweet-smelling scent of freedom and peace. This holiday has been extra tiring. The 3 children’s ages are far apart and thus have very different interests. They are of different genders and also abilities. The thought of coming up with a venue which fits all three has been drawing blanks.

Thus, I should give myself a good break this Christmas, right?

I was so happy that the Christmas wish had come true.

I watched Les Miserables with Josh when it was staged in Singapore in 1993. I was 20 years old then. It was my first musical which I watched with paid tickets. I remembered that I went down straight after work from Pasir Panjang to the then Sistic booth at Ginza Plaza as I wanted to get seats in the front portion. I think it was staged at Kallang Theatre. I enjoyed the musical thoroughly. I told myself that I must make it to London to watch it there but I never got to do so. Thus, when the papers featured on the Movie which would be screened in Singapore, I told myself that I have to watch it on big screen, not on TV screen.

Right from the start of the movie, tears flowed. At age 40 now, I appreciate the story line and the historical background better. The actors and actresses were excellent. They did try to sing their best. The actress acting as Fantine took 6 months to master singing and crying at the same time. She was also told that her beautiful locks would be roughly cut off in the filming in one take. She has great professionalism. The whole movie is very moving. It has many intense scenes. The director pulled off his plans very well : close ups on the cast, the backdrop and the emotional intensity.

Josh likes the innkeeper at the inn. I remember that he enjoyed this segment of the musical back then too.

Ask me and I am willing to watch it again. Application for babysitting service is open now. Clients are a 12 year old, a 10 year old with special needs and a 4 year old preschooler. I will be glad to grant eligible applicants interviews. Hahahaha …..

A few things I want to do

Here are a few things I hope to do :

1. Go on a twosome holiday with darling, even if it is just to Bali and over 2-3 nights only. Of course, if we can go further without the kids and someone to care for them for more days, that will be great.

2. Train Zane to be as independent as possible. If buying food is very challenging, at least cook his own meals. Do basic chores so his place will be decently clean.

3. Teach Zoe and Jeff to love and take care of Zane. Blood is thicker than water.

4. Visit my friend in the States. She has 3 sons and we’ve grown to love each other more after we are mothers. Also to get to know her dear friend whose family profile is like ours. Maybe our girls and babes will form unique friendships too.

5. Travel the world like W does. If we need to, we will take Zane along with us.

6. Drive

7. Live a life which speaks volumes of His Love and Grace.

This day WILL come

The day when I can really do whatever I really want to do. The things which Zhen wants to do, the places she wants to go and the people she wants to be with.

Press on . Not too far . Believe it will come to pass. Amen.

No shopping spree

I was children-free for some hours just now. I went down to Ion Orchard to meet two very dear friends for lunch and tea.

For the first time, I had the luxury to roughly walked Ion’s Level 4 to Basement 4. But I bought nothing for myself. No shopping spree for me. Clothes? Nah ! Shoes? Gotta remove socks and sports shoes, nah. Nail Polish? Not my liking. Perfume? He buys them for me.

I love the lunch at TCC. No need to guess, I ordered the Seafood Aglio Olio as usual. Very spicy and shiok with super fresh scallops and prawns. Love the discount! Right after lunch, we proceeded to Provence for Coffee and bread. Ya, one drink at TCC cost more than coffee and bread at Provence.

I only bought one item at our last stop, Prologue. Chinese Puzzle cards for Jeff Jeff. Hee ……. Terrible right? An afternoon off and still ended up buying things for the children and not myself.

I am a purposeful shopper. I only shop when I need, like for my student’s wedding ? Other than that, I hardly buy these nice to have things on impulse, lest I really suffer buyers’ remorse right after that.

The best thing I look forward is meeting my girlfriends. It is a privilege to be able to spend time with them like this. With Jeff around, the attention has to be split inevitably, thus I really treasure such times without any of the children. E asked me if I will miss Jeff? My answer? Nope. Wakakaka !!!

Really, gals, thank you. What a lovely break for me. I love every moment of it!